I finally understand why moms have such big purses

When I started my job last August, my mom handed me a monster-sized purse. She said, "I bought this but I haven’t used it yet, so you can have it for your new job." I laughed SO hard. Why would I ever want/need/use a purse that large?

In fear of hurting her feelings any more than I already had by laughing, I started using the purse. Once I found out how much stuff it could hold, I never looked back! I finally understand why moms carry such large purses – because they hold all the shit they have to take with them, plus a bunch of other shit that they might end up needing that day.

To demonstrate the awesome handiness of my mom purse, I will now list the current contents:

• Salad for lunch
• Bottle of salad dressing
• Container of grapes
• Two cans of Fresca
• Travel coffee mug (the large size)
• Wallet
• Phone
• Perfume
• A necklace
• Notepad
• Chequebook
• Various papers
• Compact (the large kind)
• Lip gloss and lip stick
• Hand cream
• Deodorant
• Lint roller

Honestly, a lint roller?? I only use it like five times a year. But if I need it today, I will have it.

I should also mention there is room left in my purse for at least one more salad, or perhaps a jar of peanut butter.

Imagine how big my purse will be when I actually have kids?

The first attack of the year

Today on my way into the grocery store, a large, black flying bug with a surrounding silhouette of wings and antennae flew in dangerous proximity past my shoulder, this-close to my hair. Any girl who grew up in Fort McMurray and experienced a June-bug-in-hair incident can relate to my panicked feeling, complete with a jump in my heart rate and urge to run to safety with flailing arms.

On my way out of the store, the bug was on a revenge mission after missing me the first time. My eyes darted around the parking lot and suddenly, there he was – flying straight towards me. Using my mom-sized purse as a shield, I awkwardly dodged the bug like a really tall ninja, going, “eeeeeee – yuck – yuck – yuck” and so forth. With the whole scene seemingly in slow motion, the five second attack seemed to last minutes until the exhausted bug back-flipped and landed on the pavement. I ran with flailing arms to safety in my car.

June bugs. I love to hate them. Funny the first attack should happen today – June 1st.

So uncalled for

The day of the Edgewater Court fire in April, the Regional Emergency Operations Centre (REOC) was activated. That means people from all over the municipality (fire, police, family services) meet in one room in response to a disaster, and stay there until sufficient disaster relief has taken place.

Anyhow, I had to cover Communications for a half hour or so. I walked into the room of about 25 people, and upon my entrance, an older, shorter fire guy happened to be walking by. He stopped in his tracks, looked up at me with bulging eyes and yelled, "JESUS CHRIST!"

Now the running joke is whenever you are caught by surprise or astonishment, you must yell, "JESUS CHRIST!" as loud and as fast as you can get it out.

Someone throws you a surprise party... "JESUS CHRIST!"

You accidentally choose the Hard level on Dance Dance Revolution... "JESUS CHRIST!"

You open your electricity bill and it is lower than expected... "JESUS CHRIST!"

Your favorite song comes on the radio... "JESUS CHRIST!"

You get my drift.